I exist without you.
The only way to feel alive or even remotely in touch with anything anymore is to experience pleasure. Any kind. It doesn’t even have to be sexual. Chew the meat of a rib, drive your knuckles into a wall, see how loud you can scream, see how fast your piece of shit car can go, stay in bed all day, laugh until you choke, yell at me for all the stupid things I do. Make me feel like everything’s not always perfect. Because to only imagine doing these things is like not even existing at all. We live in a society that advocates peace, but bans pleasure, a society that preaches happiness, but excludes aggression. I want it all. I want pain, love, hatred, depression, struggle, joy, sorrow, laughter, fear, anger, bliss. I just want to feel, to feel like I exist. Because this, this sitting here waiting to feel like things are going to get better, this is fucking hell. And if I’m not aloud to leave can I just have someone to experience it with?